To be honest about this, it is mostly us girls that primp and preen and if the girls I know are anything to go on most of them do it for themselves!! Sorry boys, but yes we dress up in sexy clothes if we can, we get our bits waxed and tweezed, our nails created and our hair colour out of the bottle not just for you. It’s for our own benefit a lot of the time. So when we leave the house having spent hours in the bedroom getting ready we feel great about ourselves and we all know a good night out must start with a drink or 2 in front of a mirror and our wardrobe scattered into the 4 corners of our rooms.
But I must question this? Especially at this moment in time as I’m stood in our ensuite for the 2nd night running with what feels like industrial acid on my head, why we feel the need to hurt ourselves to feel good? Why am I doing this? My answer is because I’m bored and a tad frustrated at myself lately. Unable to work due to all my health issues, stuck in doors, on my own mostly, as friends are doing what all humans usually do….. Work, eat, sleep, spend time with their kids and the families of their kids friends etc and trying not to admit to myself that in fact I’m sort of a waste of air. Where my body was once my only enemy, without some form of stimulation my brain is also deserting me and with it my ability to think of a lot of positives.
Now before anyone reads this and thinks I’m whining for attention ( you obviously don’t know me very well! Yes I crave attention but I do it in other ways.) the isn’t a pity party for one, I’m just stating the facts. I don’t work, I won’t be reproducing, I can’t do housework and even cooking a decent dinner for my hubby is rare event! So yes the thoughts of ineptitude are warranted most of the time!
And off I wander again…
So back to the point,
I’m off out this weekend, a rare treat for both of us but also a bit scary for me these days! I used to love going dancing, usually from late evening through to after the sun had risen the next day. It was my reason to forget most of my issues as I was surrounded by people who were there for the same thing and understood that when the bass drops all chatter stops as the feet take over. Now a days I’m lucky if I can bounce to half a tune before collapsing in a heap looking like a sweating beetroot but that hasn’t stopped me for long, I will dance 1 footed, looking like a flamingo or sit on the floor and do all the motions without too much pressure on the back and the feet and I could probably handle this as I’m still in my little music bubble feeling very loved and loving but the last year hasn’t been good to me. The H.S has been a nightmare and my stupid body temperature is causing issues including dehydration, along with a few down days (Ok….weeks!) I’ve put the weight back on and for the first time in a while I don’t feel confident about myself, no confidence means I’ll not enjoy myself and that isn’t the person I am!
So I’m determined to try and get myself over this little blip. So yes, for this weekend I will prune and primp, tweeze and trim and generally put on a costume. Not for anyone else but for me, it’s all so I can look in a mirror and feel good about how I look! To know that no matter what my body thinks I have done the best with what I’ve been given! The fact that by the time I actually get to the party I’ll be overheating already and the week of tarting myself will be wasted but I will know and it will give me a boost!